The Mind, Mental Energy and the Higher Heart

Well I did it. I graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in psychology.
The enormity of just how relieved and proud of myself I was did not hit me until the day of my graduation ceremony. I woke up with this amazing joy and feeling of excitement. Up until that point I only felt confusion and difficulty knowing what to do next.

The ceremony was a tremendous release for me and a time to show that openly to the world. I allowed myself to shine my light very brightly that day without fear. I had gone through hell at times and came out stronger, more balanced and grounded from the various trials experienced both academically and in other parts of my life during this period of time. Most importantly I saw something through to its completion no matter how uncomfortable I became.

I still have the very logical and realistic concern about what is next which needs to be addressed but for the moment I can breathe deeply again and work to connect to my heart more strongly. I can now let go of so much of the mental energy that has been hard for me to manage and has contributed to my previous health issues. In releasing this burden I trust the next detail of my path will present itself even though my mind/ego laughs at this and wants to make it happen now.

In regard to the nature of mental energy and the mind, I read something recently which really drove home the deeper realization for me of how the mind is really largely outside of us. How a great deal of the mind surrounds the body and is not just in the head. (The mind being separate from soul and spirit but more of a step-down of those aspects in reaching the manifested form known as the brain which directs the functions of the physical vehicle of the body)
I was generally, in the past, more focused on the emotional content of thoughts creating a field of energy but what I am writing about is different from that somehow. Perhaps more related to visualization?

Much of my stress and tension in college came from the difficulty in calming my mind. This dense energy (often looking black in color) created by me and surrounding me was putting extreme pressure on my physical body. This was especially true, as I wrote in an earlier post (The unholy trinity), when my mind fell into the trappings of judgment, negativity and obsession with time.

So now I can give my mind a bit of a break from reading, analyzing and flirting with indoctrination (the regurgitating of information so as to answer a question in the way a professor wants to get a good grade). While getting this period of mental reprieve the path of this blog may change a little.

As I dive more into my heart and share things that speak to me more on that level the information may get much “weirder” and more nebulous. The stories are still episodic memories, the direct result of experience. They are things that I feel on a deep level and define who I am beyond space and time. They are often a paradox to the logical linear mind. The mind is limited in its analysis of things.

To me, mental analysis is the result of examining only a finite number of learned variables. The heart (more specifically the higher heart chakra 8) does not have this limitation which I feel is more connected to soul and spirit. That kind of connection knows all that is.

To help speed up this process of heart connection I have recently revisited a technique told to me long ago. It is mostly a visualization meditation but also incorporates the tai chi standing posture of wu chi and the fuel of emotional content. In it I see and feel a golden energy throughout my body emanating out my hands and into my higher heart chakra located at the top of my chest.

To prepare for this, I run earth and cosmic energy (grounded earth energy flowing up into the body, swirling around in the lower dantian mixed with the cosmic energy flowing down both sides of the spine. Both mixed energies then flowing through the whole body up the spine and out the top of the head pouring all over the external body like a fountain) while standing with my toes pointing forward, legs shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent and feet firmly planted. Shoulders and chest should be relaxed while keeping the spine straight with a slight tuck of the pelvis under so the legs feel heavy. Starting with my arms at my side, I make a large circular motion bringing my hands up above my head into a prayer type position and then pulling them straight down to my chest. I stand like this until I really feel and see the energy flowing through and around my whole body.

The energy continues to flow while I direct some of it out to my hands. When enough is built up I slightly twist my hands from prayer position to a slightly cupped position opening the energy centers in them. I then put them one on top of the other over my 8th charka. I feel and visualize this energy flowing into this important multidimensional energy center while also being aware of my breath.

Usually this charging of my higher heart only takes a few minutes. I work to do this first thing in the morning especially on the days when I feel depressed or just run down. It really helps me get going and assists me in staying balanced around all the people in my life.

Doing this technique really gets me out of my head and helps me move into a more expanded perception. In that space I can more effectively clear my field of unwanted energies. This allows me to interact with others without the possibility of projecting my own specific mood on them or reacting to theirs.

For me, one of the worst things about depression is trying to pretend I am happy so as not to upset others. It has been my experience that people can often take it personal not understanding why I feel like crap.

Being sensitive to energy makes everything a little more difficult, but it also creates the impetus to strive for self-mastery. For me that momentous task is made easier the more strongly I connect to my heart.

May your heart always lead you,


A curious thing has been happening to me lately. I will be reading a text book with some very intense information based on specific techniques and belief systems I really don’t agree with, I start getting really tired, and then begin to drift into that place between being awake and asleep. I recognize it as a powerful meditative state to work from while doing grid work or healing, but because I am going into this state focused on some very mental based concepts with very little soul or spiritual context to them I start to really feel into it more than intended. At this point if I do fall asleep I go into almost a nightmare of trying to figure something out in a mental looping pattern or if I stay awake I catch a glimpse of the harm certain approaches are causing when they ignore key components of healing a person on all levels.

A little back ground is probably in order. I find myself going to college at age 39 studying psychology, something I thought I would enjoy and I do except for the emphases on what seems like mechanistic and reductionist type approaches. I try to stay neutral about this lack of deeper understanding as much as possible but I find it very difficult. It seems even the humanistic and phenomenalistic approaches are being presented either without the deeper understanding or simply from a mental approach. (very little mention if any about transpersonal psychology)

Academia is a very mental environment so it probably wouldn’t surprise too many that I am experiencing a lack of heart connection to it. In fact I had a number of people wonder why I was going into this system. Those who questioned my current path are a few of the many people I know who have been spiritually initiated, finding intelligence and understanding beyond linear mental thought. They have cultivated the ability to experience and trust a deep inner knowing. It takes a great deal of work to reclaim these things I feel we are born with and know as children then slowly lose for various reasons. I see how the school system is responsible for a lot of that being lost.

I do not disagree that the scientific method is important but when it becomes a religion which deviates from its true tenets by ignoring variables and minimizing important factors that have yet to be quantified it is detrimental to the human soul and spirit. It disconnects us from everything we are and creates headless beings, which is ironic for these people often live in their head.

I saw this while starting to drift into sleep state the other day while reading about desensitization and exposure therapy. I feel these cognitive-behavioral techniques do help people and they are great, but when they are carried out without addressing the deeper cause of these fears and phobias from a multidimensional level of understanding it further disconnects a person.

I saw people utilizing these techniques as having no head. I also get this was a soul disconnection. It doesn’t mean they will stay like this because I feel we have a lot of help to snap us out of that, but that these techniques and their singular focus was facilitating this effect much faster than would normally be experienced. Again it is a matter of balance.

Cognitive behavioral techniques are great but the soul (emotions/deep feeling) and the spirit (higher self/monad) need to be included. I have learned I can’t use my mind to overpower everything, at least not for very long. Deeper feeling and intuitive thought is needed even though it does not seem rational and requires faith. These subtle intelligences can be empirically tested based on outcome. This is rarely possible when needing to prove it to someone else. It is self-evident to the individual and represents their inner truth and knowing.

It often seems weird for me to have put so much work into activating these gifts and abilities we all have to see and feel what is beyond the surface of this world then to go dive into a very dense mental based system. I have had great difficulty with it for it is hard to unlearn what you know to be true, what I have experienced numerous times as a reality. I do not doubt these past experiences for I doubted them previously for much of my life (actually told to doubt them). I now see clearly where that doubt came from and how easy it is to creep back in when I am surrounded by those who have chosen to live in their heads. Many believe this is what we are, simply thinking beings.

Soon people will realize that the techniques being used will not have the lasting results expected. This will necessitate a deep inner search for meaning behind the fears and phobias. Through this search that part of self will be found that was forgotten. The aspect of self that has been traumatized needs to be reclaimed and healed in order to find lasting positive effects from behavioral-cognitive techniques. Without this awareness I see the techniques as further traumatizing that wounded part of self.

This awareness and reclaiming parts of self can be done through meditation and intention. For me it happens when I can calm my linear mind and be receptive to what comes to me in that state after setting a specific intention for that meditation. Sometimes it comes right away, other times it takes like 30 minutes to get there, and still other times I get nothing and have to try again later. I have done this on my own and been assisted by other healers. When the timing is right it happens but it cannot be forced by my ego desire or linear mind.

It is about going back to points in time when I was overwhelmed and left a part of myself there from all the tension. I can communicate with that part and heal it with the current perspective and awareness of why that happened. If not knowing the “why” I can still work to find peace with that experience and hear what that part of myself wishes to express. This is possible with other lives as well.

So even though it is difficult for me to be studying techniques that are trying to overpower or ignore what I feel is needed for deep healing, I do find much of the information I am learning helpful. It just isn’t complete no matter how much evidence based research suggests it is.

I know I am not the only one going into these education systems to witness what is happening and I do see energetic/spiritual knowledge slowly working its way into the field of psychology. I know deep down it is only a matter of time until a more conscious, holistic understanding is established.

May you know all parts of self,

The Unholy Trinity

Did I get your attention? I know it is a bit dramatic but for me I see three energies to be the most powerful forces that can affect my health and well-being when they are taken to an extreme or better yet just allowed to run. By run I mean like an unconscious program or conditioned response to various stimuli. These three things are negativity, judgment, and time.
I do not see these things as inherently bad but when taken to an extreme they are very detrimental in my life. It is like they build up and run inside of me affecting all my interactions in all environments. I find it very hard to slow my mind down and become present. There is a constant feeling of needing to project into the future, to anticipate, and plan. There is restlessness and a strong desire to use distractions to control these patterns (really the distractions only seem to temporarily lessen the awareness). The thought of meditation to get centered during the cascade of these energies sounds extremely unpleasant and often is extremely difficult. Before experiencing this current amped up mental body condition, meditation felt very peaceful and I looked forward to it. You could basically call this all stress but for me I find it important to pinpoint the specific energies which help create this state of being or better yet state of non-being.
I noticed this intensity build up again now that summer break is over and I am back taking classes at the university. I see how so much of what I experience there triggers these energies to be expressed in me and how hard it is to stop. The biggest two in this situation are judgment and time. (Negativity is often combined with the judgment). It is always better to discern information but I find in my case since I am immersed in a field of information that can be very singly focused without much higher consciousness in the material, at least not being taught where I am, that it is hard for me not to begin judging things. To continually hear beliefs that rattle the very core of me as being unhealthy and self-limiting really upset me. I feel as if I am back in time and have knowledge of all these amazing things but very few around me seem able to grasp the concepts. There are so many variables not being taken into account when doing psychological research that huge issues are being totally ignored. Many know they are doing this for ease of discovery and discussion but the folly I am seeing is those that don’t realize it and have become dogmatic and a bit arrogant in their assumptions. One of the biggest is that human beings can be studied objectively. Nothing can be studied objectively in this reality, especially multidimensional beings. The double slit experiment in quantum physics has taught us this. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try but hopefully stay aware of the potential for unknown variables. The field of anthropology has come a long way in understanding this reality but psychology is not there yet and will probably not get there for some time especially since so much focus is now being placed on research in the field cognitive neuroscience. I feel this is a great pursuit and enjoy the material but not when it is believed to explain the entirety of a human being, ignoring the complexity of how the soul and spirit interact with this reality through the physical body. It is like understanding how your car works but there still needs to be a driver of the vehicle.
Another big disconnect is the total ignorance of indigenous cultures and their knowledge. How beliefs and practices are dismissed as total lunacy or simply as “primitive” thinking. We all started out with this knowledge even the Europeans who are just a little longer removed from it. There are common themes among all nature based ancient cultures which are important for human health and well-being. One of the most important in my opinion is the acknowledgement of the unseen, that which is strongly internally felt and requires the ability to actually be present with an environment. People who have this sensitivity are not dysfunctional, or schizophrenic. There are even children who have been given this negative label of schizophrenia. There are extreme cases for sure but I feel many are being diagnosed based on a misunderstanding of their high sensitivity to subtle energy. They are able to see and hear what many ignore or are afraid to admit they themselves have experienced.
So much of this post probably feels like a negative rant but I felt these things needed to be expressed at least for my own mental health. I realize I am where I am and learning these things for a reason. Perhaps I just need more patience while jumping through these hoops but I can’t ignore all the potential available to help people by combining this knowledge. I am anxious to get into more applied applications, to find someone in academia that is incorporating anthropology, psychology, biology, epigenetics, quantum physics, and shamanism into this field. Maybe I will have to be the one to do it someday.
So getting back to my unholy trinity, I focus on the time aspect to keep it in check. To really set the intention to be present with whatever I do and not deviate too much. Basically it comes down to discipline. I do my assignments and use all my mental body to read and analyze but then I set aside a chunk of time to meditate every day, working to turn everything off during that chunk of time. The meditation of letting go of all thoughts calms the storm inside me. The rest of the day I work on mindfulness meditation while interacting with the world. Every time I remember I check in, breathe, and let go of whatever thought or energy I am carrying inside me so it does not build up and put me on some kind of panic driven overstimulated pattern. By focusing on being present I can catch the negativity and judgment before it creates all that tension in my body. I also find it important recently to stop and listen to what I am feeling and not just dismiss what is going on inside. In the past I was ignoring a lot of this because I felt like I didn’t have enough time and just plowing through things which left me stressed out and frustrated. Not only that but it seemed to disconnect me from my true self/higher self-connection. This connection is where real intelligence is, the ability to discern extremely large amounts of variables and information to come to a deeply felt truth. It is hard to navigate the current education system with intuitive thought or maybe it isn’t but it is hard to communicate it to those who live there. So I will need to work to gain mastery of my mental body to thrive in the university system but always remain strongly connected to my true sense of intelligence and power. Maybe someday when the time is right the realm of subtle energy can be empirically proven and accepted within academia as a major component in human health and well-being.

May you always find your center during a mental storm,