Transitions

I did it! I moved into a new place literally and figuratively.

It was a little over three years ago when my friend Darrell found me an amazing deal. It was a house on an acre of land here in Hawaiian Paradise Park. A sweet cheap rent and work trade setup. The house was built and designed by artists back in the 80’s with all the cool little touches you might expect.

An old and funky place, it needed a lot of work. The previous renters had really let it go and left a bunch of junk behind. As I cleaned the place energetically and physically, I felt its power to increase whatever emotional energy that was brought to it. Maybe this was because of the actual location, the intentional design and layout of the structure, or the fact that it is surrounded by rainbow eucalyptus trees.

Whatever it was this place healed many people. We held weekly support/therapeutic type circles there for over 2 years. These circles drew empaths, healers, energy workers, clairvoyants, starseeds, indigos, and generally just overall amazing people.

I started my own coaching/energy work business there and experienced my own intensified depression and pain from what would come up as the result of my thoughts in the house. I had to clear old energy patterns, make peace with what would not leave in the house, and connect to a part of me that I thought was an external energetic phenomenon.

Before I moved to this house I was stuck and unable to see my way out. I had sold almost everything I owned and moved to Hawaii. I stayed with family while finishing my degree and I told myself it was work trade but I was living with family in a place where I felt a bit like an alien. I isolated, meditated, dedicated many hours a day practicing tai chi and focused on learning everything I could about psychology. I had already studied ascension mechanics, metaphysics, tarot, et… and yet I still wasn’t fixed. I had to find the answer.

I only found more questions because I was only learning. I was not truly applying the principles consistently. And at the same time, it was all perfect including the sever illness of leaky gut I developed then. I cut out so many addictions but was finding myself still self-medicating by eating a large bowel of ice-cream every night and watching Netflix.

As the illness progressed my body began wasting away from nutrient deficiency as the result of intestinal damage from poor food choices and the inflammation from prolonged stress/fear. I came to this planet to do something and I was not doing it or better yet I simply couldn’t enjoy my developmental phase for when I would do it later. I negatively judged and was time obsessed.

When the house among the trees opportunity was presented to me, I was genuinely excited. I was on the path back to health because I had found a group of men who supported me in having a voice and helping me heal the deep wound, I carried. A childhood and past life wound that ran deep from men who abuse their power.

I was of course doing many things and seeing many healers but this masculine environment of sitting in a circle and doing training adventures helped me face many triggers and self-worth issues. It also taught me to break down many of the remaining destructive patterns that my metaphysics/tarot teacher threw back at me on a continual basis for 5 years while in Arizona.

Like me the house needed to be cleaned and the jungle hacked back away from it. An amazing thing happened during the process. I discovered things I needed in the house, dishes, tools, pots and pans, tables, chairs, things that I remember thinking how I am I ever going to afford to buy all those things again. It was one of many blocks that kept me stuck in my head worried and afraid.

Outside I rescued a banyan tree who spoke to me in an ancient tongue many have forgotten to listen to, I found close to a hundred pineapple plants, banana plants, mangos and even a hot tube.

I am grateful for my time among the eucalyptus trees, the banyan trees, and the pineapples. It is time to move on and grew beyond the safety of this magical hiding place.

I am loving my new spot full of sunshine and cool ocean breezes. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

May you remember and use what is uncovered,

Jason

The Reluctant Energy Vampire

It has been a while since I have posted anything. I have had some very profound shifts and realizations lately much of it occurring around the end of the last year. I was told there was a very powerful event involving Pluto and death at this time. Basically, the removing of all that is no longer of service etc… I don’t get too into astrology, but I do find it helpful and in this case there was definitely something going on. I have been really moving through a lot and have seen great change in others recently as well.

The capstone on my recent realizations was something that happened only last week. I went to a lecture among a small group of people. I was feeling pretty comfortable until a woman came in late and sat down beside me. I at once had a flood of mild anxiety which I was able to sooth. There was nothing abnormal about this response as I am often somewhat guarded or anxious around new people. I was able to catch the reaction and calm my body. I was then aware of thoughts coming into my head around my value and what the person thought of me. This too was mild and I was able to let what aspects I was conscious of go. It would be silly to think I had become totally comfortable and removed all judgmental thoughts in that moment.

After a short time I returned my full attention back to the lecture which I really was interested in. All of a sudden I felt this comfort and relief come over me. I felt a part of me express something like “she approves of me or likes me”. The strength of this surprised me. I realized I had wanted approval from this woman, not so much that I was interested in her but because she was in close proximity to me. I wanted more comfort, comfort coming from outside of myself.

This feeling came in very strongly because, as I realized later when talking with her that she is also seeking outside comfort. I am not sure the extent of what has happened in her life, but by what I could gather from her situation and our brief communication is that she has been through a lot emotionally.

I realized I was putting out energetic tentacles to find comfort. I didn’t do this intentionally and thought I was being stable in my body and energy, but there was a part of me reaching out for comfort to a total stranger.

This can be vampiric when it is done, or even especially when done unconsciously. There is nothing wrong with reaching out to others, but what I realized is that I may be doing this more than I ever knew. If I am not focused on my own physical embodiment and self-sourcing comfort I may be unknowingly trying to feed off of any source outside of myself for that comfort (see my post on “Embodiment” and also “The Unholy Trinity” for more info on this). This can feel extremely uncomfortable to people unless they are in a similar dependent energy state, but even this is temporary.

Some of the most profound wisdom I ever heard which helps explain this is, “We are all mirrors for each other”.

I came to this recent realization because of various people in my life and the interactions I have been having with them lately. There is a whole pattern of me drawing those of like energy who have specific aspects that really irritate or upset me. These irritations or frustrations are pointing to things I myself am doing, otherwise they would not be so upsetting. My first impulse is often to try and change the other person or my environment, but that is impossible to sustain. I am putting that energy out and energy flows in all directions and affects everything. It doesn’t matter if we are conscious of it or not, it will still happen. It seems that even a subtle amount has an effect, but I can’t directly measure how subtle because it is subjective. I imagine it can accumulate, though.

I am grateful for all my mirrors over the years. Those who have shown me what needs more work within and for pointing out my blind spots. I know I am truly responsible for my own comfort and security in the world. When this is achieved it is shared and reciprocated in a balanced way. When this is approached externally through a desperate need to find comfort from fear or insecurities it can become vampiric no matter how Krystic or spiritually advanced I may think I am.

May you see the truth in every mirror,
Jason

The Unlikely Teacher

I have been blessed with a great many amazing teachers over the years. Some it was obvious this was the situation, others it wasn’t until years later when I realized how profound their wisdom was.

There is one particular person I have been thinking about lately and using a technique he shared with me many years ago. This person was someone I worked with and who became a lifelong friend. When we were in our early twenties we would often “go out drinking” heading to parties, out to clubs and bars, and even in the early years before I was 21 out cruising. He always had an ability to energize situations and motivate people. He was very much the life of the party and knew a lot of people; even though he wasn’t always well received he stayed up. When going to a party or something, we had this ritual of the “pump up jam” it was not always the same song but it was always a perfect fit to really set the mood and get the energy going. Some of the most fun and interesting experiences of my life were hanging out with this guy. People would probably frown on some of our behaviors and actions but how is that different from most other judgments. I was young and very upset with life, often depressed or in a self-imposed isolation. These years going out drinking was really what brought me out of my shell and helped me be in the world. I feared interacting with people but yet I was so drawn to do it. The alcohol calmed my nervous system and relaxed my mind enough so as not over think and analyze everything (I didn’t know it then but I also felt the energy of people and environments which was part of what caused me to avoid these things). Alcohol was the only tool I had back then. But anyway, I am getting off track. So this person had an ability to increase happiness in others and in himself. I remember him telling me that it is about remembering something good when you feel down. This isn’t really all that profound except that he could actually do it. He knew I got depressed and shared this with me but I didn’t realize how powerful it was until I started learning about intention and meditating but even then I rarely used it. More recently I have been finding the need to really fine tune this technique.

In the past couple of years my meditations had become very powerful, able to connect in after about 20 minutes or often even much sooner. But now that I experience a lot of stress from school or other things I allow to build up inside of me and not having as much time for meditation, I was finding it hard to get to this place free from all the thoughts. So for a while very little was working for me to feel that connection, that energy really flowing through my body that I could see and feel. I realized I had to create the connection. It is actually always there but for me to really feel it and flow with it free from interference I have to call it in with the power of my own consciously directed energy. Raising my frequency through my own internal creative force not needing any external thing like music or the guided meditations of another, though those things I still find helpful after having my clear connection established. Maybe this is just another part of my process to overcome depression and anxiety. To be a master of my energy in every moment so as not to fall into depression or anxiety and so that I am absolutely in control of what energy I am emanating out into my environment. It is very hard to connect when the thoughts that have been collecting in my head have created a very low mood. I could clear the thoughts but the mood and energy was still low.

So now I remember the good times and bring that feeling to my now moment awareness especially when meditating. I do not dwell too long or become attached to the memory but instead feel the energy of it and use that to boost my frequency. This really puts me back in my heart after spending a whole day in my head studying for a big biopsychology test and experiencing a racing mind.

May you always experience the wisdom in those you meet,

Jason