Well I did it. I graduated from college with a bachelor’s degree in psychology.
The enormity of just how relieved and proud of myself I was did not hit me until the day of my graduation ceremony. I woke up with this amazing joy and feeling of excitement. Up until that point I only felt confusion and difficulty knowing what to do next.
The ceremony was a tremendous release for me and a time to show that openly to the world. I allowed myself to shine my light very brightly that day without fear. I had gone through hell at times and came out stronger, more balanced and grounded from the various trials experienced both academically and in other parts of my life during this period of time. Most importantly I saw something through to its completion no matter how uncomfortable I became.
I still have the very logical and realistic concern about what is next which needs to be addressed but for the moment I can breathe deeply again and work to connect to my heart more strongly. I can now let go of so much of the mental energy that has been hard for me to manage and has contributed to my previous health issues. In releasing this burden I trust the next detail of my path will present itself even though my mind/ego laughs at this and wants to make it happen now.
In regard to the nature of mental energy and the mind, I read something recently which really drove home the deeper realization for me of how the mind is really largely outside of us. How a great deal of the mind surrounds the body and is not just in the head. (The mind being separate from soul and spirit but more of a step-down of those aspects in reaching the manifested form known as the brain which directs the functions of the physical vehicle of the body)
I was generally, in the past, more focused on the emotional content of thoughts creating a field of energy but what I am writing about is different from that somehow. Perhaps more related to visualization?
Much of my stress and tension in college came from the difficulty in calming my mind. This dense energy (often looking black in color) created by me and surrounding me was putting extreme pressure on my physical body. This was especially true, as I wrote in an earlier post (The unholy trinity), when my mind fell into the trappings of judgment, negativity and obsession with time.
So now I can give my mind a bit of a break from reading, analyzing and flirting with indoctrination (the regurgitating of information so as to answer a question in the way a professor wants to get a good grade). While getting this period of mental reprieve the path of this blog may change a little.
As I dive more into my heart and share things that speak to me more on that level the information may get much “weirder” and more nebulous. The stories are still episodic memories, the direct result of experience. They are things that I feel on a deep level and define who I am beyond space and time. They are often a paradox to the logical linear mind. The mind is limited in its analysis of things.
To me, mental analysis is the result of examining only a finite number of learned variables. The heart (more specifically the higher heart chakra 8) does not have this limitation which I feel is more connected to soul and spirit. That kind of connection knows all that is.
To help speed up this process of heart connection I have recently revisited a technique told to me long ago. It is mostly a visualization meditation but also incorporates the tai chi standing posture of wu chi and the fuel of emotional content. In it I see and feel a golden energy throughout my body emanating out my hands and into my higher heart chakra located at the top of my chest.
To prepare for this, I run earth and cosmic energy (grounded earth energy flowing up into the body, swirling around in the lower dantian mixed with the cosmic energy flowing down both sides of the spine. Both mixed energies then flowing through the whole body up the spine and out the top of the head pouring all over the external body like a fountain) while standing with my toes pointing forward, legs shoulder width apart, knees slightly bent and feet firmly planted. Shoulders and chest should be relaxed while keeping the spine straight with a slight tuck of the pelvis under so the legs feel heavy. Starting with my arms at my side, I make a large circular motion bringing my hands up above my head into a prayer type position and then pulling them straight down to my chest. I stand like this until I really feel and see the energy flowing through and around my whole body.
The energy continues to flow while I direct some of it out to my hands. When enough is built up I slightly twist my hands from prayer position to a slightly cupped position opening the energy centers in them. I then put them one on top of the other over my 8th charka. I feel and visualize this energy flowing into this important multidimensional energy center while also being aware of my breath.
Usually this charging of my higher heart only takes a few minutes. I work to do this first thing in the morning especially on the days when I feel depressed or just run down. It really helps me get going and assists me in staying balanced around all the people in my life.
Doing this technique really gets me out of my head and helps me move into a more expanded perception. In that space I can more effectively clear my field of unwanted energies. This allows me to interact with others without the possibility of projecting my own specific mood on them or reacting to theirs.
For me, one of the worst things about depression is trying to pretend I am happy so as not to upset others. It has been my experience that people can often take it personal not understanding why I feel like crap.
Being sensitive to energy makes everything a little more difficult, but it also creates the impetus to strive for self-mastery. For me that momentous task is made easier the more strongly I connect to my heart.
May your heart always lead you,