I have never really had much formal meditation training. My first exposure to it was an audio tape given to me by some people I met. It was a work in trade thing were I had done some repairs on a car for them and they gave me a healing. They were very kind but the type of people that didn’t like to answer the tough spiritual questions I asked. They just kept telling me things like, “you just know” and “it cannot be taught.” I get what they mean now, that all knowledge is self-contained, that the answers are within us if we are able to be quite and listen. This made no kind of sense to me then and even now I still feel certain things need to be shared and they are not always happy and positive.
I was kind of intense back then and I feel my energy scared them away a little. I didn’t have much control over my thoughts and perhaps I made them uncomfortable with this. They were the type of people that wouldn’t say anything about a negative energy or pattern around a person they would just cut you out of their life or mildly tolerate you. I am sure they would say this is allowance but there is not much compassion when someone is asking for help and they won’t point out certain things but hey they did help. I guess I could describe my situation as if I was a drowning man in the ocean desperate for assistance. They were probably smart to just throw me a life preserver of some tools rather than swim out and save me. I had so much work to do I would have probably pulled them under. They wanted me to learn to swim.
So I am very grateful for what they did tell me and some basic tools for getting rid of unwanted energy. They taught me a technique for removing negative energy with a crystal and helped me begin to learn to Love and accept myself by standing in front of a mirror saying, “I Love You” a bunch of times. That was very hard for me then because I really didn’t Love myself at all and I thought it was pretty corny. Although, standing in front of that mirror and accepting myself created a powerful response in me and helped release a lot of repressed emotion. They mentioned this technique when I was sharing with them about the weird dark entities, dreams, and experiences I have had. So they did help but never engaged with me after this meeting which hurt but I understand now that they didn’t want me to drag them down or become vampiric. I was very hungry for any metaphysical info which was often blocked from me until many years later. I was also comfortable with a lot of the dark energy around me and wasn’t ready to let go of it all. The encounter with these women was one of my first substantial meetings and gathering of info other than some random books that were mostly fluff. This stuff was kind of fluff too I guess but the meditation tape was very powerful.
So I decide to meditate for the very first time using this tape. It was a very powerful technique of visualizing roses then destroying them and running earth and cosmic energy, a technique I still use today. Basically grounding to the earth and connecting with a golden energy that comes up through the body and collects in the abdomen, then connecting with gold cosmic energy that streams down both sides of the spine and into the abdomen. The energies mix and rise up the spine out the top of the head like a fountain pouring all over the body. It branches off from the spine and goes out both arms and fills the hands as well. Basically, the whole body is filled and covered with this gold light. This was all consciously created but what I didn’t expect the first time meditating was the blue light I saw in my third eye. It is an electric blue or cobalt blue that is extremely beautiful and comforting. It has been a constant throughout my life since. It is one of the few comforts I have had here, a feeling of being connected and not forgotten. It is like a feeling of being reassured that there is so much more out there than what I physically see and experience, that there is a connection and a confirmation to my true self.
After having told this story I realize that I had seen this light before when I would sit with my eyes closed so I guess I have meditated before using this tape but perhaps I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. That what I was experiencing was my direct connection to home and the comfort I had long searched for was always there. I just had to close my eyes to see it.
May you always have confirmation to your ever present connection,